Letting go of the need to know

I have always loved the illusion of control. It is so alluring to believe that I can achieve for the longer-term whatever it is I seek – safety, self-love, connections, etc. Yet, of course, just now is all that there is, and the future is no more present than the past.

I have always worked so hard to try and control the future. I put a lot of effort in to managing what I thought was going to happen next, to achieve certain outcomes. And I also put a lot of effort into planning for multiple eventualities, when it seemed less likely that I could influence how things would go.

It was many years before I realised that it was actually an illusion and had always been so.

Gradually I learned to embrace feeling out of control, to understand it as a gift, and to embrace it. When we don’t know what comes next, and aren’t attached to believing that we do know, we are open to all opportunities.

So I invite you to let go of the need to know too. To embrace not knowing. Start with something small – don’t plan something that you usually would, don’t seek to influence an outcome, don’t imagine what an activity will be like. Just let it unfold, moment by moment, and be there, in just that moment.

You can also build your trust in this path by remembering times when a lack of planning resulted in a wonderfully serendipitous experience – a beautiful butterfly fluttering by in the garden, a few words that you found uplifting, or an unfolding of events that made you smile.  Actually we spend most of our time not knowing. Today I was surprised to find myself venturing off my planned path to explore a little cemetery, to enjoy a mushroom pizza for lunch, and to find as I paused on my walk up a gradual ascent – that I was just there. Not knowing, just there.